Stay connected when you're gone from home

By Marilyn Suttle

Is business travel a necessary part of your career? How do you stay connected to your family while away from home? Here are a few well-planned ideas to help your family feel your presence even while you are away, and maintain a strong family bond.

Be sure to include the kids in the process of your departure. Get in the habit of collecting favorite family pictures. Let them see you pack pictures and mementoes into your suitcase. Imagine how you would feel as a child if your father said to you, "I'm taking this picture of you with me so I can see your smiling face every day while I'm gone." Remember to reference those pictures when talking to your kids by phone. Simply say, "I had such a long hard day at work, but when I got back to my room and saw your picture, it made me feel so much better."

Phone calls aren't always possible with busy out-of-town schedules. When you find free time to call, the kids are likely to be in school or in bed. Leaving messages on the answering machine is nice, but what else can you do?

Email is a fantastic way to connect with the kids each day. Just a couple of sentences is all you need to let them know they are important to you. During my last trip, I sent this email to my son: "I'm sending you a great big hug right through the computer. Here it comes. HUGGG!!! Did you feel it?" About a week after returning home, I was saying goodnight to my son and he mentioned, "Mom, I felt that hug you sent me." Wow! Just a simple connection stayed with him long after the message was sent.

You will probably be too busy to shop for postcards and stamps on the road. Start collecting them now. Next time you're at the local drug store, mall or card shop, see what's available. When you find one that has a special meaning for your child, buy it. Save it for the next time you're away from home. Look for postcards with a favorite animal on it, a music group or cartoon character your child likes, even a favorite color. Write up a few and have them stamped before you leave.

What do you write? You can never go wrong by specifically describing something you appreciate about your child. Children love to be noticed. Write about the positive things you see in them. When in doubt, simply write, "I love you," or "This postcard made me think of you." On your first day of travel just pop one in the mailbox at the airport and your child will soon enjoy that special feeling of being thought of.

A fun way to connect is with envelopes or post-it notes. Hide a few around the house to let the kids know you are thinking of them. Suppose your daughter's job is to take out the garbage. Tape an envelope to the trash can with a little note inside, "Thanks for keeping up with your chores while I'm away sweety." An envelope on the hamper saying, "Way to go! You're keeping your room neat and clean!" An envelope on a favorite book with a message saying, "I'm looking forward to reading this to you when I get home."

Your envelopes can have comics cut out of the Sunday paper, or an article on your child's favorite subject printed off the internet. If your child's favorite color is yellow, leave a piece of yellow paper with a note on it that reads, "Yellow is your favorite color!" The idea is to show that you know what your children like and you appreciate who they are. You may want to leave little love notes for your spouse as well.

Consider tape recording yourself reading your children's favorite bedtime stories. Your voice can be telling the story and comforting your children every night. Some parents even video tape themselves reading or telling a story or giving words of encouragement to their children.

When traveling, it is helpful to form rituals around your departure and return. The familiar routine will help children feel more secure. Make homecoming an event. It doesn't have to be a big event. Plan a "pizza party" or special treat that they can expect each time you come home. It is really more the attitude than the event. This gives the whole family a feeling of coming together in celebration. Having something to look forward to builds bonds and memories.

Sometimes spouses complain and criticize the traveling parent. It is hard to parent alone. While you are gone, every family responsibility falls on the other care giver. Children can be hurt by comments like, "He's never here when we need him." "She gets to eat her meals at restaurants while we're stuck cooking all our meals at home." "His career gets more of him than we do." Comments like that are destructive to your children's self esteem. It gives the mistaken message that your children are not important to you.

Redirecting these comments help create a bond to the traveling parent. "Daddy works so hard for his family." " It must be hard for mommy to be away from us for so long." "Won't dad be impressed to see how well we're handling things around here?"

Listening is the key to a happy homecoming. Give your family your ear. You'll have a chance to talk later. Realize that your family has fended without you. Your support and acknowledgment will go a long way toward family harmony. Let them tell you all about their experiences while you were gone and their feelings about you not being there. When they express negative feelings, don't take it personally. Instead, give them credit for handling things as well as they did. Instead of responding with, "It's not like I wanted to be gone," acknowledge them with, "I can hear how disappointed you're feeling that I couldn't be at your soccer game. I wish I could have been there." By giving them this outlet, they will feel understood and appreciated.

Your family needs to know that they are your top priority, even when the demands of a career take you away from home. A few simple changes in your routine can create a more nurturing family environment. By staying connected, children learn that when you are away on business, your heart is still at home with them.

Marilyn Suttle provides personal and professional life-skills presentations, including parenting, work/life balance, and self esteem. Email her at MsSuttle@aol.com or visit her web site: www.SuttleOnline.net